Frustrated

ARGH!!! Enough is enough! I've been very patient like I never have been in my entire life, but Im totally fed up! It is not my fault kung walang mahanap na schedule ang mga MDT trainers and certainly not my fault kung ika-cancel nla mga training classes for "lack of participants?!"

Mahal

I remember how a lot of people used to ask me "why am I still single" or my friends who really know me - "why do I play around a lot?" I always have one ready answer to their questions - "I haven't found anyone worth committing to yet." but all of these have changed when I met "mahal" (argh!!! Corny!)

I always thought I'd never find someone whom I can converse with on the same "wavelength." Or kung meron man, lacks the physical attributes. Or it's the other way around... I thought Im forever doomed to be alone kasi ang dami kong hinahanap na katangian. In fact I remember someone who told me before, "you can never find someone THAT perfect." But I always kept a little faith in me that someday, somehow, someone destined for me will eventually come my way.

I wasn't wrong one bit. Finally, I found the right person. I know that saying this might be too soon and I cant even assume that we'd last for a long time since we are totally of different interests and personalities. Mahilig ako sa nightlife, mahal prefers to stay home. Mahilig ako sa seafoods, mahal can't eat anything else but pork. I tend to be more open, provocative and exhibitionist but mahal is more cautious and introvert. But Im gonna make this relationship work out. That means less or no nightlife, no flirting and definitely no playing around. But if I have to do all this just so our relationship will last then, what the heck - I'd give up all of these for mahal! I've always been the dominant one in a relationship but with "mahal" its totally different. Napa-umaya ako kumbaga bisan makaharangit na! What's even weird is that Im the older one by 5 years but "mahal" is more mature in facing and handling situations. Well, ok may mga immature moments, petty quarrels and awkward situations din but nothing that can't be remedied by a kiss. At syempre, isipin ko na lang na mas matanda ako kaya ako kailangan mag-adjust. Or minsan may mga times na nakakabuwisit din na gusto mong sapakin nalang pero isang ngiti lang at lambing - phoooft! Wala na inis ko!

I can say - I am totally happy right now! On the other hand though, I am scared. Scared that I might wake up one day and find that these have all been a dream. Scared that I'd find out I've been living in a fantasy world all along and scared that all of these were a lie. I have prepared myself for the worst to happen yet amidst all these hesitations and doubts I am keeping a little bit of faith, that same faith that led me to "mahal."

Passing Time Away

Tagal ko na pala 'di nagbo-blog! Had Clio not told me, I wouldnt have remembered with the loads of stuff that Im into these days.

As usual, work at the office still eats up almost all of my waking hours. Well, I lead a pretty boring life so there's not much to blog about on my life except my work, occassional gimiks with friends and DVDs. And oh, nagg-gym na pala ako ngaun. Seriously, if someone would tell me how it feels to have been ran over by a truck, I can just imagine the pain that his body is going through. That's how I feel since I've only been going to the gym for 2 weeks now and I feel like my body is all sore and I can't even move my shoulders without cringing - especially since my program is set to develop my chest and shoulders. But im definitely satisfied with the improvement it has on my physique. Hell, if I have to live at the gym to achieve as half as good of a body of one of my friends, then so be it! hehe... And going to the gym has opened my eye to a whole new activity - body watching!

How Much is One's Self-Worth - Worth?

I feel so down and terrible today. I shouldnt be feeling this way considering that I just got home from an all-nighter with Fred. We had fun gettin' drunk, flirtin' and grindin'. At around 5AM (just 4 hours ago before I composed this entry) we decided we had enough alcohol to last us for a month so we headed to Chowking (again!) to replace all the "fat" we burned. So while we were at Chowking, we overheard a group of people talking about Palawan 1 - about how the place excites them, about how "activities" are done, etc. So, inatake naman kami ni Fred ng pagka-adventurous, ok fine - pagka-libog na rin namin, so we decided to check the place out after overhearing that it's open 24 hours.

When we arrived, we were indeed amazed that quite a number of people "too-fashionable-to-be-considered-straight" were minggling about outside the place. We decided to go inside to check it out and maybe have a couple of beers more! We were greeted with a drunk wailing "bukas na lang kita mamahalin." We were kind'a dismayed by how the bar looks (the interior doesnt even qualify as to that of a bar.) The place was almost pitch dark had it not been from the early morning sunlight streaming from the jalousie windows. The chairs have torn upholstery and the tables look like that of cheap beerhouse tables. The place had an odd smell since there was no airconditioning and the walls and fixtures were half-done. Drunks were lying on couches. Gay couples were "a-smacking" here and there. We were ready to leave the place when a group of rowdy people caught our attention. I thought the people in that group looked awfully familiar and I was right! Fred was the first to speak out, "Yanks, di ba sila ***(name withheld to protect the person's privacy) 'yon?" We were right. The people in the group were our friends back in the province - Tacloban. We used to hang-out with these people back when we were in Tacloban. In fact, some of them have been my classmates in Grade and High School. Then, they saw us and we were greeted with so much ruckus, so much that the attention was getting uncomfortable since almost all of the people inside the place were now staring at us. They beckoned us to sit with them and di natapos ang kumustahan. It was there then that Fred and I learned the whole truth. You see, nagkatanungan ngaun kung ano pinagkaka-abalahan namin and Fred was just too eager to tell them that I am now a supervisor at a call center and he just graduated from college and preparing his Visa to work abroad. Then, it was finally my turn to ask the question which I really regret after I did, "so ano trabaho niyo ngaun?" I felt that the question was uncomfortable for them to answer as they were like looking at each other and waiting for someone to answer the question. That was then I saw *** - also one of our friends, got up at a secluded table in the farthest and darkest corner of the room taking a couple of hundred peso bills from a gay while zipping up his pants. Then the group saw what I saw. I looked at Fred and I saw that his jaw dropped. "Oo Yanks, nagc0-call boy kami..."

I was aghast! - no, aghast is an understatement! In fact, no words can describe how I felt at that instant. For one second I thought that all I saw and heard were just plain hallucination and I just had a little too much alcohol that had clogged my brain preventing it to work coherently. I was willing myself to wake up from this terrible dream. I tried telling myself I couldnt have just heard them confirm that! I refuse to believe it! I knew these people! These people were the same people I laughed with, went to church with, went toHigh School with, drank every Friday and Saturday night away with just 3 years ago before I left Tacloban. I knew that some of these people didnt come from rich and affluent families in Tacloban but I do know that still, their parents can care for them even if they don't work for the rest of their lives. So what happened - the inevitable was finally answered by ***.

"Yanks naglayas kami and we tried to find our fate here in Manila, kaso medyo minalas kaya nung wala na kaming pera naisipan namin 'to and hanggang sa ngaun eto pa rin kami." Fred and I were just silent as they poured their hearts out. We learned that all of them have older gay lovers so that they'd have a place to stay at but they also have "sidelines" para sa mga extra gastos. Para sa mga "sidelines" nila, they get PhP 350 or if the person they have sex with is generous, they get 500. 500?! This amount is the same amount I spend for a day's worth of food! Minsan tumatambay din sila sa Quezon Circle or at a spa in East Ave to "look" for customers and most of the times sa Palawan where gays are more than eager to bed them for that price. Lahat may kapalit. One time, binastos yung isa sa kanila where a sadomasochistic gay asked ***** to bite and lick his butt for PhP400 and since wala siyang "choice" and gipit, ginawa na rin niya. I can just imagine how humiliated he must have been. It sickens me to know how that gay can be such an opportunist! Kung alam lang ng baklang "kumuha" sa kanya kung anong klase ng pamilya pinanggalingan niya...

We heard more heart-breaking experiences and when it was finally time to leave, we all parted with promises that we'll see each other again. Fred and I were silent while we were in the cab on the way home to Makati.

Im doing this entry at the same time contemplating. What if nangyari sa akin ang nangyari sa kanila? Masikmura ko kaya ang ginagawa nila? How could have it happened to them? How could they resort to that? I mean, I dont have anything against prostitution but prostitution with humiliation - that's another. But come to think of it, isnt prostitution a kind of humiliation - humiliation from losing self-respect, from losing dignity and from losing self-worth? How can cruel people take advantage of people in distress?

I can't believe Im thinking this way and what's more I can't believe Im affected. E pu****-***, pakialam ko ba sa problema ng ibang tao?! Im going through problems of my own but why can't I help but feel bothered?! I mean, Im usually not the type to be bothered by other's "sob stories," but with them its different. Different maybe because I have had established a connection with them before, maybe because I can relate to the hardships they've been through - of being alone, of having to worry about money to spend, of having to see myself through life. I've been fending for myself ever since my irresponsible parents left me to the care of my grandma. I fought and fought hard to be where I am right now. I refused to succumb to the challenges that I have faced and will still face. I refused and will refuse the standards that are meant to limit my capabilities.

I just hope that they too, will eventually find themselves out from the oblivion that they're in. In God's time, I know they eventually will.

CHELU-king for a Lover

Friday night last night! The very first friday night I was able to go out on in 5 months since my RDs fall on Sundays and Mondays. I also found a reason to go out last night since my best friend - Fred just came from Leyte after graduating from college and finally decided to stay here in Manila for good. We've been best friends for 5 years now and the last time we saw each other was like 3 months ago.

Fred and I went through a lot and our friendship has been a witness to that. We've almost came close to ending that friendship when I told Fred that his lover that time was cheating on him and since him and his lover has been together even before we became friends, Fred thought that I just wanted him to be miserable but finally came to realize that I was right all along when he caught his lover in a lip-lock with another in a bar. From then on we were inseparable until I decided to finally settle here in Makati. He would visit every now and then but since I was busy with work and him preoccupied with studies, celebrating for two full days would always be reason enough when we're together. Fred, by the way is average in built, 5'7" in height and and is fair-skinned. Between us, Fred is the more extrovert one and totally goes for a guy if and when he feels like it. His confidence has always amazed me, not that I am not confident but with Fred its more like "to-hell-I-care-if-you-dont-like-me" confidence. He is good-looking, has a very pominent nose, well-defined chin and a pair of very expressive eyes. I am more of the opposite 'coz I tend to be more subtle with the hints and would rather head home alone than do the first move. I don't take rejection that well.

Fred with his signature "pa-cute" look

To start the night off at 11:30 pm, we decided to eat at Aristocrat resto at Roxas Blvd but it was way too crowded so we just decided to make do with Chowking. After eating a hefty meal, we decided to head over to Chelu-one of the male bars in Malate since Bed was way too crowded as well. Chelu, you might say is one of those bars which caters to bi-males from all walks of life. Its in the heart of Orosa-Nakpil in Malate and a haven to gays and lesbians. I dont really frequent this place nor the other male bars since I still am uncomfortable of being "out-in-the-open" and I still feel uncomfortable seeing two men make out in public. But for lack of a place to go to, I decided to take the risk and Fred and I took the only table available which was a couple of feet away from the stage..

After a couple of shots of Kahlua and light beer, I was beginning to feel at ease and started moving with the bass beats of the house music playing. The alcohol was loosening up the the tension that has built up in my nerves. Meanwhile, Fred was preoccupied as well. Apparently, a guy appraoched him and started a conversation with him. The guy was average looking and obviously wasnt Fred's type as Fred was giving the guy a bored look and his eyes were wandering while the guy was in an animated chatting. I, for one part was wishing him luck while being totally contented with another shot of Kahlua I was havin' and Marlboro red I was slowly puffin'.

It all happened so suddenly. The lights went out leaving only the laser lights beaming. A guy in short jeans showing a thong came out from nowhere and just started gyrating towards the center of the bar which has a platform about 3-feet tall for a stage while Whitney Houston's "On my own" started blaring over the speakers . I thought it was just another idiot who just had too much to drink but I realized even a wacko wouldnt dare bare it all in a bar! It was then that I finally realized it was a teaser or a "gimmick" of Chelu's management as apparently two other men-in-thongs appeared. Shrieks eminated from gays and matronas (yes - matronas) from all over the bar. The men-in-thongs were obviously enjoying the attention they were getting as they were slowly taking their thongs off as the people egged them "take it off... take it offf..." And Christ Almighty! They did took it off!

Beware! This is not for the faint-hearted.

I was looking at how Fred was taking all the scene that was happening but apparently he was in a lip-lock with another guy who just approached him randomly and obviously didnt need to watch the event unfolding to turn him on. Ha! Meanwhile, I was trying to put on a "sanay-ako-sa-mga-ganitong-eksena" look because evident from the above picture, our table was only a couple of feet away from the men-in-thongs and they weren't making it any easier for me as the guy in black and blue stripe thong was deliberately tryin to seducing me - um! ma-picturan ka nga! Finally, the music ended and as sudden as the men-in-thong came, the sudden that they disappeared.

With all the excitement and the drinks that I had, I felt that I needed to head over to the john and unload. So, I signaled to Fred to watch over our table while I unload. While I was standing outside the restroom waiting for my turn, a guy literally rubbed elbows with me. As I looked up, I saw that he was at least 5'8" in height. He has this rugged look complete with the bald-head and goatee and had a dimple when he smiled and offered his hand, "Hi, I'm Larry. You are?" "Yankee," I replied. "So Yankee, 'di ka tlga sanay sa mga ganitong lugar ano?" "Ba't mo naman nasabi yan?" I asked. "Kasi sa sobrang uncomfortable mo kanina sa naghuhubad, ung iniinom mo kanina Kahlua ko kasi magkatabi lang tayo ng table." "What?!" I was embarrassed! But surely I would've noticied if a good-looking guy sat beside our table and surely I would've noticed if the Kahlua wasn't mine but then again with the "di mahulugang-karayom" state that the bar was in, it would've been possible. I apologized to him and offered to buy him a Kahlua to make up for the hassle. He declined saying that he's had enough alcohol for the night, instead he would appreciate it if I got him a Cali. I obliged thinking how embarrassing that I mistook his drink for mine! I came back with a Cali in hand and he smiled and asked, "So, I like you and I want you to come home with me?" Huuuuuuuwaaaaaat?! Very straight-forward ang lolo mo!!! Pero syempre, I acted all innocent and played it cool, "I'm sorry but I'm with a friend." He smirked, "The guy that your friend is kissing over there is my friend. We both share the same apartment." And your friend told my friend that he's gonna ask you to come with us so I just spared him the trouble of asking you by asking you myself" - all in complete, perfect English! At syempre, since sobrang nag-iinit narin ako at that point, pumayag na ako (kaladkarin!)

At 5:40 am, the four of us took a cab and only-God-knows-what-place ang napuntahan namin. Fred, all the while was looking at me with a mysterious glint in his eyes and said, "I'll never forget this night." He obviously has had quite a night himself!

Defining Terms

Its recently been just crazy at the office with this new account that we have. It's a seasonal account - meaning it only needs our services during peak season. Due to confidentiality reasons, let's just say that this account deals with flowers.

Last week, I took a supervisor call for this account - me, being one of the Point-of-Contact (POC) Supervisors. The agent went to my station looking totally flustered while nervously saying she needs a supervisor to take her call since my account - a sales account (although we also handle a minimum of servcie calls) usually doesnt encourage sup calls. Since, I wasn't THAT preoccupied 'coz I had only just about a thousand things to do (sarcasm intended), I took the call after I asked the agent what the issue was all about. The agent tried to explain to me that the customer was yelling and very irateand just didnt want to talk to her because "she has an accent" and that the customer was adamant that she wants to speak with a particular person named "Stacey" - who's supposed to be a supervisor as well. Ok first up, there was no supervisor named "Stacey" in our account and even if there was I doubt if the customer can again speak with the same person upon calling back. Second, although the agent did have an accent the agent can still converse in English pretty well and I think she can be understood by even the most scrutinizing American.

So, I took this call " "Thank you for patiently waiting on the line. This is Anthony (my alias). Im the agent's supervisor and how may I help you today?" - and put on this "American accent" which I think I was successful in putting up as the customer said "Thank God I'm finally speaking with an American who can speak English." To which I replied, " I'll take that as a compliment Ma'am but truth be told, I am actually Asian - a Filipino in particular." Silence... She asked, "Where are you located?" And since we are allowed to disclose where we are located, I said "We are located in the Philippines." Ok, I know I was just being honest, but I guess that was a wrong move because the customer started yelling again "You are in fu#?!ng Philippines! You cannot help me! You're not even an American! yada... yada... yada...F?$# Y^o!! - blag!" I never got the chance to assure her that I can help her out. Ok, most sup calls don't usually end that way in fact I was able to pacify an irate customer hours before I handled that call.

That call seriously had me thinking after that. How can some people really be racists?! How can they determine one's capability by one's decent?! How can one assess intellectual superiority by one's nationality?! The customer herself told me that she thought I was an American because I sounded like one but finally didnt wana deal with me after she learned that I am a Filipino. But then again, who are the real American these days? Aren't most Americans immigrants from other countries as well? Even the toughest rednecks in states of Oregon and Texas who believes red meat is the only food for them - all have some sort of foreign blood in them. The only Americans whom I can really consider "real" americans are those of Indian decent who were among the first settlers of the US even before the immigrants all flocked to the "promised land." And what's ironic is that the infusion of multi-cultural races was one of the reasons which led the states to international stature in economic resiliency.
Im actually just blessed that I don't personally deal with think-heads like that particular caller on a daily basis. I am just glad that the Americans I interact with - clients, friends and some relatives think highly of Filipinos who are of their equal counterpart at hindi lang aliping-sagigilid!

Travis - the client who made me realize that not all Americans are uptight, racists idiots.

Unevent-FULL

Evident on my profile pic (which was taken just a week ago,) I am slowly gaining weight. This alone is a cause for celebration since time immemorial I've always wanted to gain weight but because I've fast metabolism, regardless of how much food I eat, I would easily burn the fat just by sittin' and watchin' DVDs. However, since I took these Chinese pills that every skinny person in the office is taking, I have slowly gain weight and have been eating like crazy! I have to buy and eat every after 2 hours! Im thinking that the people at 7/11 are already either thinking that Im donating all the food that Im buying from them or that I'm "panic-buying" for a typoon that's bound to happen soon.

Unlike before when I would get hungry but didn't have enough time to get a decent lunch, I just have to divert my attention on something else and before i know it, lunchtime has already passed. But its just been totally diff these days. It's like a voice in my stomach annoyingly chants "feed me.. feed me... feed me" until I can't help but finally scream "STOP" and get myself something to munch on or better yet stuff myself with a heavy meal so that the "voice" wouldn't have to bother me every so often. The other side-effects of taking the pill is that its makes my body sore on some days. I feel like every single bone in my body is being stretched since Im putting on weight-but nothin that a mefenamic acid wouldn't relieve.

I remember it was my rest day and I decided to have my lunch at a canteen beside my apartment (manang makes a mean grilled-squid.) All of the other people taking their lunch at the canteen were construction workers (MMDA was re-aligning pipelines near my apartment.) After all of us were through with our lunch, I scanned the tables of the construction workers and saw that most of them only had 2 cups of rice (empty cups on the table) and a single viand. I was seriously embarrassed when almost all of them stared at my table all at the same time and saw that I had 4 empty rice cups, 2 saucers of viand, 1 large bowl of soup, 1 grill plate and a rice plate. - bakit ba?! ako nagbuhat ng mga pipes na nire-align nyo! Walang pakialamanan!!!